Saturday, January 28, 2012


Guilt, I hate guilt. I feel it in abundance. I don't know if it's because I'm the stereotypical Canadian that apologies for everything, or that I'm catholic, or that I'm just plain messed up. But I can't help it. It's part of who I am.

I feel guilty that when things go bad. When relationships crash. Even if it takes two to do it, I can't help but feel that I didn't do enough, that there was something I could've done better. Hell I even feel guilty when there really isn't anything for me to feel guilty about. I may have made a mistake, I may have cause some concern and I would like to think that until now, I have proven that I am worth more then the mistakes I have made.

Even when I logically know that I am not in the wrong, I make excuses for the other person. Blame rests mostly on me. I should've been better. I should've double checked facts. I should've thought twice before reacting and panicking. I should've known better. Basically, if I'm not perfect, I failed somehow and it's my fault.

And then, I remember that this is the time when I should be remembering my godsister. Her time with us and not about my petty drama. And I feel guilty.