Saturday, January 28, 2012

Guilt

Guilt, I hate guilt. I feel it in abundance. I don't know if it's because I'm the stereotypical Canadian that apologies for everything, or that I'm catholic, or that I'm just plain messed up. But I can't help it. It's part of who I am.

I feel guilty that when things go bad. When relationships crash. Even if it takes two to do it, I can't help but feel that I didn't do enough, that there was something I could've done better. Hell I even feel guilty when there really isn't anything for me to feel guilty about. I may have made a mistake, I may have cause some concern and I would like to think that until now, I have proven that I am worth more then the mistakes I have made.

Even when I logically know that I am not in the wrong, I make excuses for the other person. Blame rests mostly on me. I should've been better. I should've double checked facts. I should've thought twice before reacting and panicking. I should've known better. Basically, if I'm not perfect, I failed somehow and it's my fault.

And then, I remember that this is the time when I should be remembering my godsister. Her time with us and not about my petty drama. And I feel guilty.

5 comments:

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Omgosh Bobo, you are preaching to the choir! I feel guilt for EVERYTHING!
Sorry you're having a roughy time again. :(

According to Jewels said...

I think that breakups get worse with age. At least for me I have that sense that I'm not getting any younger and should have worked harder to make it work. In the end when it's not right it's not right and there is little you can do to fix that. Guilt will eat you up if you let it...so don't! HUGS

Mynx said...

when I had a minor car accident the other day, I felt guilty. But then I realised I wasn't the one in the wrong, now I am just pissed.
I get the guilts over lots of things that I shouldn't. Seems a part of my nature.

Julianna said...

I always feel guilty. And what's worse, people know this, and make me feel guilty about things that are actually their fault.

It's a vicious cycle, my friend.

bobo said...

@dawn - yeah, I always seem to think it's my fault. And being a worrier does not help either.

@Jewels - Maybe. Yeah, it probably wasn't a right fit, and the ending part wasn't too bad. Unfortunately it's my handling of the aftermath that I hate myself for.

@Mynx - I get that too. Guilt, then angry/pissed when it sinks in. But sometimes it just circles around again...

@Julianna - Oh yeas, that it is. If only there was an easy way to break it.