Drama llama

 Somehow the karma scales are not quite 1 to 1 for me. I don't know, it just seems every time  balance seems to be restored in the force, the drama llama rears his ugly head.

Ok so maybe drama llama isn't exactly the best way to describe my situation. (It's not internet based and I can understand how it originates). Still. Why can't things stay balanced, just for a little bit. I had a great weekend. I was able to sleep all night last night and feel somewhat refreshed for a Monday morning. And then drama llama turns up at night, messing with my sleep again, making my brain work overtime.

I know in the grand scheme of things, it's silly stuff. I have tons to be grateful for, I'm trying to remind myself that. This drama while it does have *some* effect on my life, it's nothing serious and while it would suck if it really got in the way of things. It's also something that I may be able to cut out if need be.

I'm just tired of always getting knocked down a couple of pegs the moment I start feeling content (forget about feeling happy). I know this is all a momentary setback. But really, am I that bad of a person? Did I use up so much good karma in the past?

*sigh*

Next post will be an upbeat one. I promise. Even if the drama gets worse.

Found this online

Kinda sums things up nicely for me right now.

Sleep still craptacular.

Scumbag brain

Ahoy hoy everyone.

I would love to say that this is not another one of my infamous whiny emo posts, but I try not to lie to my friends. So this is another of my infamous whiny emo posts.

Good news, the guilty feelings I;ve been having have lessened. Oh and I got a raise! Woohoo!

Bad news, I've been have trouble sleeping for the past week or so. It either takes me a long time to sleep or I wake up at ungodly hours of the morning. I haven't had a full nights sleep in a while. Even after having a very good day, mfeeling happy, things going well, when it gets close to bedtime, bam! Stupid brain is like, y'know what, you were too happy today, time to think and overanalyze shit so you can't sleep. Hell even when my day isn't taht great, does my brain say, hey it's time for a break! NNNNOOOOOOooooo..... he just says keep on worrying.

Seriously. I think it's time I stab it with a q-tip. Hopefully then he'll shut up.

Guilt

Guilt, I hate guilt. I feel it in abundance. I don't know if it's because I'm the stereotypical Canadian that apologies for everything, or that I'm catholic, or that I'm just plain messed up. But I can't help it. It's part of who I am.

I feel guilty that when things go bad. When relationships crash. Even if it takes two to do it, I can't help but feel that I didn't do enough, that there was something I could've done better. Hell I even feel guilty when there really isn't anything for me to feel guilty about. I may have made a mistake, I may have cause some concern and I would like to think that until now, I have proven that I am worth more then the mistakes I have made.

Even when I logically know that I am not in the wrong, I make excuses for the other person. Blame rests mostly on me. I should've been better. I should've double checked facts. I should've thought twice before reacting and panicking. I should've known better. Basically, if I'm not perfect, I failed somehow and it's my fault.

And then, I remember that this is the time when I should be remembering my godsister. Her time with us and not about my petty drama. And I feel guilty.

Happy Chrismahanukwanzastice!

Ahoy hoy everyone!

Just wanted to wish the best to you and yours :)

And let's hope 2012 is a better year then 2011!

Happy American Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends and to everyone else Ahoy Hoy! :D

Just dropping in to wish everyone well and to remind you all that not all of us (*me*) are on Holidays. So eat and drink lots for me!

Have a good one everyone!


P.S. Being the awesome friend that I am, I am willing to take any leftovers any of you might have. >.>

Johnny Five is alive!

Ahoy hoy everyone!

Quickie post

1- Still alive! YAY!

2- Vacation over. boooo....

3- Pain still there but less. Had follow up appointment (after it being pushed back a month!). All they had was, there's nothing serious, so just manage the pain, it's "normal" and it should go away on it's own. Joy.

4- Work had a major re-strucuring. No one was fired, more re-assigning of titles and such. we got a new CEO, things seem like they are getting organized, so hopefully it'll be less blah then it's been lately.

5- Ummmmm.... I somehow got into a relationship. I'm happ, so is she (I hope!) but yeah, I'm also a little, WTF am I doing and how did I con her into actually going out with me in the first place?!? Little surreal at times but in a good way :)

6- Still really busy. Sorry for not keeping up to date with everyone, I really do miss my blog friends. But well for once it's a case of real life trumping net life. And in a good way for once! WOOHOO!

Well that's all really, just wanted to let you all know that I'm still breathing. Hope everyone's doing well.

Cheers!