Sunday, March 27, 2011

Porn Guy

Before getting into this week's post, I just want to thank everyone for your comments and advice on my previous post. Quick update I have been feeling a bit better and I have a doc appointment on Wednesday, so if y'all can send good prayers/vibes my way, I'd appreciate it :)

Alright now on to the post itself. First of all, sorry to all those expecting some kind of porn or smut. The title was purely to try to attract more hits (well it's relevant but still, porn in title = more views right?)

Well, I work for a small software company and their hiring record can sometimes be iffy. Case in point they hired me.... but anyway, this post is about probably the most infamous person the company has ever hired. Now of course I will not name names and add this caveat: I never directly worked with him. I was on a different project and a lot of what I know was told to me by my co-worker who unfortunately had to work with him.

About two years ago, the company was looking for someone. I wasn't involved with the search but my friend, hmmm let's call him Bumblebee (original cartoon version if you're wondering) was. So after they did a handful of interviews, Bumblebee told me they offered the job to his least favourite candidate. Porn guy (who I shall continue on calling Porn guy) was the one. The company however liked him cause he was fresh out of university and could be molded and trained into a good employee (ie he was cheap to hire). Now I won't fault the company too much for thinking that, cause it has worked out before.

So on Porn guy's first day, he does the rounds for introductions. Well let me just say that I try hard not to be judgemental, but the first thing you think when you see him is NERD!!! Being a nerd myself, I don't throw that around negatively too often, but porn guy just yelled out "I spend all my free time online in my parents basement" nerd. You know what I mean, slim, fashion sense is not quite right. His face even has the stereotypical Hollywood nerd look. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, thinking Hollywood just messed with my head and he's probably a decent dude. Soon enough though I learned that his social skills were ummmm lacking for a better term.



Kinda like this, with a slightly better fashion sense, slightly.



He was the type that tried a little too hard to fit in but just couldn't get it right. What's worse was that he also had a bit of a superiority complex. For example, we had a Foosball table and some of us would play during lunch. He was really bad at it, but anytime someone would try to give him pointers, he'd get angry and say his way is better! (and this narcissism will be even more apparent later...)

Things just went downhill from there... during office meetings, which can be long and tedious, he actually fell asleep! Bumblebee would knock on the table to wake him up! Apparently that wasn't enough as he would fall back asleep. Now those meetings can sometimes make a raging cokehead hoped up on Red Bull fall asleep, but still, to repeatedly and blatantly take a nap? He wasn't even related to any of the bosses to get away with this kind of crap. God knows that his work wasn't any better. His solution to every programming problem would be to simply delete the offending piece of code instead of finding out the true problem. That or trying to pass it off onto someone else.

After all of this, you should probably piece together why I call him Porn guy. Yes, he was caught trading porn online at work. Our office doesn't have any cubicles. It's basically one big open space. One day  Bumblebee, looks over and sees a small thumbnail. Apparently Porn guy was trading pics with his MSN buddies. He'd bring in a USB key, trade his porn at work and that way I guess save his parents internet usage that way.

Reenactment w/o the porn on screen
Seriously, how desperate are you that you resort to surfing for porn at work? In an open environment where anyone can see it. I shudder to think what would've happened if he had a cubicle or an office.....

Ok, this post is getting kinda long. I'll write about the "demise" of Porn guy in a second post if you'd like to hear more. (Sadly yes there is more to tell....)

6 comments:

Tony Van Helsing said...

I was with Porn guy on the thinking he was better at table football (sorry, I can't say Foosball, I'm English) and the falling asleep in meetings but trading porn at work is just stupid.

bobo said...

Problem was Porn guy needed to get a recap after the meeting to know what the hell was going on and what to do (if he bothered caring at all). Oh and he was horrible at table football. I mean it's not even like he could pretend to be decent, he had no reflexes whatsoever. Stupid is an apt description!

Katsidhe said...

This is false advertising, sir!

bobo said...

Sorry to get your hopes up...

Heystacy said...

That guy was asking for trouble. I hate that he was kinda jerky to y'all.

bobo said...

Worst part is he was oblivious to it all.

If there's any interest I'll write up how it ended, cause there's more...